A Letter to Hazel

Writer: Yashila Vikas

BA Program (Psychology + English)

Editing & Design: Ayushi Rani

Dear Hazel, 

I cannot begin to describe to you how much I have grieved the unfair passing of Augustus. People say that the death of your loved one is the greatest misery of your life. Having gone through something similar myself, I know it to be entirely untrue. The days that follow are the toughest ones you survive. 

Your journey with Augustus is unique, but in grief we all find common ground. Losing the center of your being, like Augustus for you, is a shared pain that every broken heart endures. We all have those nights where we gaze into the nothingness, wrestling with memories that don't let us sleep, fearing the day when they will fade away. 

I want to assure you; you will hold on to everything. An old joke, a certain scent in the air, all the memorable anecdotes, the subtle smiles, ‘your’ song on the radio– will remind you of him. Drowning in his memory will be your greatest contentment, and your deadliest poison. When you are obliged to miss him silently, when nobody comprehends the extent of your wounds and you just want to break down on the bathroom floor, remember you don't have to act okay. Pieces of you died along with him that day. You may never feel the same way about ‘okay’ again. Find your new normal. Rebuild yourself instead of collecting the broken shards of your heart. 

With so much love and compassion, 
Yashila